The Spice Girls

 If you were a fifth grade girl in the late 1990s, the Spice Girls were the greatest British import since the Beatles. Unless you were one of those sad, deprived children who was never forced to listen to the Beatles. Then the Spice Girls were the Beatles.  Formed by a management team looking for a way to cash in on the 90s boy band phenomenon, the Spice Girls were packaged with nicknames and fashion trends: Sporty, Posh, Baby, Ginger, and Scary. Every girl in the world could choose their favorite and buy the matching Barbie Doll.  But, like all fads, the Spice Girls couldn’t last.  And like all manufactured pop groups, only one of them could escape the land of has-beens and “Wannabee”s.

Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice): Famous

Victoria Beckham isn’t famous for being a Spice Girl. She isn’t famous for anything. She is one of those lucky few who is just famous for being famous. Sure, she designs handbags, and is married to David Beckham (the only soccer player any American can name), but she mostly just has her picture taken in airports wearing giant sunglasses. And that, my friends, is fame.

Melanie Brown (Scary Spice): Not Famous

Mel B has the distinction of being the most famous of the not-famous Spice Girls due to the fact that she has Eddie Murphy’s illegitimate child. She also had the worst Spice name. I guarantee no little girls wanted to be Scary Spice.  

Emma Bunton (Baby Spice): Not Famous

According to the Internet, Emma Bunton has done all of the things washed-up pop stars do to try to become famous again. She hosted an obscure British game show and a Saturday afternoon radio program. She released a solo album with a cover of “What I Am” by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. Yes, she tried to ride the coat tails of Edie Brickell’s fame. Edie Brickell: Not Famous.

Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice): Not Famous

It is relatively easy to age gracefully, but it is much more difficult to gracefully fall out of fame. Gerri Halliwell gives it the old college try by behaving as if she is simply retired from being famous. She writes children’s books about a character loosely based on herself; she does a lot of charity work for the UN; and she invoked the celebrity right-to-name-your-child-something-absurd. Bluebell Madonna (and yes, she is named after that Madonna.) But the sad truth is: Gerri, no one cares.

Melanie Chisholm (Sporty Spice): Not Famous

Mel C is so not famous, I had to use the Spice Girls Wiki page to figure out who the fifth Spice Girl was. For reference, I still own both Spice Girls albums on cd and a VHS copy of Spice World.